Stardock is perhaps a name that you don’t know well, mainly due no doubt to their penchant of making software that mods windows XP or Vista. Such fare as ObjectDock and the like. The sort of thing we have all installed once, but removed once it dragged Windows to its very knees. They also pioneered the online product delivery method back when Steam was just a gleam in a fat mans eye. To order a Stardock game it is required that you download and install their horrendous client first. This then unlocks the game itself and downloads the content.

Yes, Stardock are strange alright.

I was lucky enough to come across their previous games thanks to Penny Arcade,when they introduced me to Galactic Civilisations II. In the office, Gal Civ was a God of games. It had more depth than the Mariana trench and yet managed to remain accessible. Hour after hour was sucked into this game and even on a limited and simple map one could easily start to need vitamin D supplements. I spent so much time telling my staff to get back to work that I almost felt that I should do some too.

But I don’t know how to dance the dance of the Australian aboriginals, so I wont beat around the bush; Gal Civ II was deep, involving and brilliant but it was also slow. Glacially slow. So glacially slow that Polar Bears could take up residence and global warming start taking effect before anything actually happened.

Sins is Gal Civ like you imagined it could be. It is also every Star Wars space battle, every Cylon Base Star attack and every White Star Fleet engagement rolled into one. IronClad have taken the best from many lesser RTS games and built them into an amazingly coherent core around which they… well around which they forgot to hang a story.

To explain: Sins has an animated intro when loading. However, you can safely ignore this in its entirety as there is no single player story. At all. There is only skirmish mode.

Probably the best skirmish mode ever devised.

Sins borrows shamelessly from lesser games. The 3 classes are very similar to CNC3, the maps are straight out of Gal Civ II, the mahoosive tech research tree is an idea taken from Civilization and the battles are similar in play to Age Of Empires 2.

That is one hell of a pedigree!

Chuck all these games in a blender and pour the results into space and you have 80% of Sins. The last 20% is the graphics engine from heaven. Many times in my RTS gaming history I have wanted to zoom-out for some tactical clarity. Similarly I have also wanted to zoom-in to get a real feel for the battles. Sins has an amazing engine that allows you to smoothly zoom out until the very star systems are little blobs and then in a second smoothly zoom in until you can literally read the numbers on the side of a carrier. This effect is not just a gimmick, it is built into the very fabric of the game’s control method. Using the mouse wheel you zoom out and then while holding down the right mouse button you rotate the view in 3D. Once happy you then use the wheel to zoom back in. Once this is understood you can be in the middle of a hundred-strong battle and hear an alarm from another system, instantly zoom all the way out and, by moving the mouse over the required planet, zoom straight back in. You get so used to doing this that, frankly, going back to the old way of doing things is going to be a serious step down.

That is the rub with this game. Every single time you come across an RTS stable, such as ship production, Ironclad have got there before you and somehow worked out exactly what the genre needs to improve from before, such as auto-fleet assignment. At every single turn IronClad have improved the template they “borrowed” to such an extent that it is difficult to remember how it used to be before.

So what is the basic premise? You are the leader of a civilization that starts off in a small uncharted backwater in the unfashionable end of the western arm of a star system and you must build your people up until you are either dominant or at peace with other races. There are in total three races and up to 8 players spread out amongst the stars. You must build, fight and coerce your way to victory through strength of arms. The planets are all connected by at least one space lane and travel is only via these using Faster-Than-Light drives. Remove or ally with all the other civilizations and you win. The three races in the game are the TEC (Trade Emergency Coalition), the Advent, and the Vasari.

The history of the races is quite interesting. The TEC are a group of trade worlds that descends from earlier human exploration and are playing catch up in the space wars they find themselves embroiled in. Attacking them are their rejected cast off’s the Advent. Back from the remnants of space the Advent were originally a desert religious sect that mastered psychic powers. They are 1000 or more years ahead of the TEC. They have returned to exact vengeance and unite the human race with the “Unity”. The Advent tend to favour cheap lightly armoured units but make up for this with energy weapons (lasers and plasma), psi-weapons (weapons that are mentally charged with a user’s mental powers) and shields. The final race are the Vasari. The Vasari are the only alien race in the game, they tend to have fewer but more expensive units that have extremely hardened hulls. Their ships tend to use Phase Missile technology, which has the possibility of completely bypassing the shields of enemy ships.

So far so very template. In fact change the names to GDI, NOD and Scrin and I wouldn’t blink.

What Sins offers is at once very deep in the level of personality you can bring to your strategy, but eventually very shallow in that all non violent options are tactical in nature. In other words, Sins always comes down to battles in space; to violence. It is not possible to win the game through peace like in CIV. However, while this is not too much of an issue it does explain the contrast between the game’s extreme combat depth and the light diplomacy options.

Here is a basic scenario I played (and lost) in my first go at the game:

Here is my new TEC home planet.

You can see the contextual menus at the bottom, which change based on what I have selected, and the standard research/resource menus at the top. Hovering over these gives readouts on the performance of all aspects of my civilisation. What is new here is the fold out menu to the side which gives a graphical run down of the planets and fleets I have at my disposal. This menu is excellent in messy situations. In battle it is what I spend my time looking at as it shows the enemy in rank order; thus giving me my next target.

Here is the same view totally zoomed out:

My corner of this map is very small; time to expand! I tell my builder ship to claim the local resources. In Sins, resources are split into three. Cash gained from taxes, metal

A TEC Metal refinery.

and Crystal.

A TEC Crystal refinery.

Each planet may have a number of asteroids in its gravity-well from which you can harvest a stockpile. You are going to need it. I have completed the entire research tree a few times and it takes hours. Cash on the other hand is earned from taxing your people. More people means more taxes. Cash can also be earned by selling excess resources to the pirates (or other players in multiplayer). Thus, what resources are around which planet becomes an aspect of your unfolding strategy. Do you go for that ice planet, rich in crystals, or is it stretching your fleet too far? Leaving yourself and your planets open and undefended is quick death in this game and expansion cannot be unchecked.

In order to defend this lush bounty I need ships. There are four types of ships: non-combat (freighters etc), light frigates, Medium frigates and the special Capital Ships (which can have short range fighters/bombers called strike craft). Each race gets a completely different set of ships, not only in look but also in weaponry and firepower. The TEC are basically standard BSG humans and their ships use only human based weapons such as gauss guns, ion cannons, lasers and auto cannons.

The TEC frigate builder.

My first ship!

A Cobalt light frigate.

This is the lightest of the TEC combat based ships (leaving aside colony ships and scouts) and like all RTS games is great at the beginning and end of the game. The beginning because they are cheap and no-one has researched anything else yet, but also good in the end game because (as always) there is an upgrade which makes them relevant that is buried somewhere in the tech tree.

I send the little fella’ off to scout the next planet and build myself a military research station.

These items are the basic requirements of researching certain technologies and come in military and civilian flavours. Each planet can take only a limited amount of space-born equipment before running out of “slots” for them. This means that to research the higher end items, you will need to expand to other planets and place down more stations. There is a massive amount of space born items that you can place, such as civic research centres, fighter hangers, planet defence guns, FTL “phase” jump inhibitors, planet shields and even massive super weapons.

Everything must be researched.

A few hours later…

I have managed to move my forces and empire up to the next few star systems. Mainly due to this bad boy:

“Mr Gaeta, bring her around.”

The Kol is one of the TEC capital ships and vital to successfully winning the game. Capital ships have shields far in advanced of normal ships, weapons of all types and can be individually upgraded based on their experience or culturally upgraded based on what you research. There are about 30 different upgrades you can research and 10 levels of specific upgrades. The Kol is a direct fire ship. It is brilliant at simply diving in full steam and laying the smack down. Anyone who knows me will appreciate that this is very much the way I like to do things. Capital ships carve up frigates and smaller craft like Sunday joints. They hammer colony ships to bits and their powers can include all sorts of special bonuses from reduced damage (due to multi-phasing shields), to dropping nukes on their opponents. The non TEC ships are similarly spectacular and can drop special bonus powers such as the ability to reflect damage or cause 250 damage to all ships in range. Capitals also come in different flavours. All races have carriers of some description (although some are better than others), support ships and combat vessels. The TEC have a missile boat, while the Advent push out the Mothership which is a direct homage to Homeworld.

It is not long before I have pissed off the other races to the point where they have allied together and attack me in force.

The map half way to my death.

The flash point comes when the enemy attack one of my planets…

…while my fleet is away taking on pirates!

Prepare to jump:

Ah pirates! In this game pirates attack the player with the most bounty on their head. you can drop credits onto another name and save yourself the bother of fighting them off, or you can take them on and use them to upgrade your capital ships. Either way just be careful that you don’t get wiped out or dragged into a bidding war with another player!

The pirate homeworld is well guarded and they quickly pounce on my clumsy attack.

While the battle may look confusing a simple roll of the mouse zooms out and the ships turn into icons, which are simple to read. I often find myself placing orders and then zooming back into the action. The fleets meet and I am clearly outclassed so I order the retreat!

So much for ridding the world of the pirates! I quickly learn that pirates can be your best friend. With them in play they can act as a buffer, a predictable enemy or even a mercenary fleet to unleash on your opponents.

While I have been away the AI has been watching. They don’t like the look of my fleet so they have quickly settled their species differences and ganged up on me. I meet them few jumps from my homeworld in a deserted asteroid belt and the the battle is fierce indeed!

Here they come!

My fleet do their best and take down the enemies top carrier:

and the mighty Mothership:

But it is a losing contest and as the enemies bombers and fighter strike craft swarm around my capital ships I know I am doomed:

My fleet is gone and the enemy quickly jump to my homeworld to wipe me out once and for all:

Game over.

I have played in total now, 30 hours of Sins. I know this because after every game you get an exhaustive report. This stats-based ending is always gratifying if you have done well and mind blowing when/if you see how far off the mark you actually were. Yes, the AI in Sins is of a high standard. Not a single time that I left a homeworld undefended did it stand.

You quickly learn that this is a game of many battles. Often there is a final keystone battle, but mostly the play is one of a war of attrition. You are trying to reduce your opponents ability to wage war rather than win through a decisive final conflict.

So that’s the game play in a nutshell. Every race is significantly different to be unique and the AI is stunningly good at the higher levels. All in the all the experience is very well balanced and refined by a team who obviously love RTS games far more than the rest of us.

I have since gone to play some multiplayer online and in the office and my teams three man structure played well to the games setup. Jim prefers the tricky Advent, with their sneaky play and cleaver psychic powers. He loves taking over the ships and craft of the others.

Notice the hands in the graphics as the Advent take over this missile boat.

Kieran, on the other hand, loves the alien nature of the Vasari. They place emphasis on large ships that don’t die easily. Power is the role for him. Myself, I love the TEC. Why? because my idea of a good night in is to check in with Adama and Number Six. I often find myself imagining Starbuck in the little craft or Boomer in the bombers. That is the power of the engine here that it can achieve that level of detail.

So what’s wrong with it?

Well, the diplomacy is very light and you cant give missions out to others like the constantly do to you. Also, there is no campaign just skirmish mode. That’s about it. Everything else is exemplary.

There is nothing wrong here that isn’t wrong with a million other RTS games.

An RTS of significant depth is all about the massive level of possible moves. It is like Chess or Go in that your objective is to find the best way to victory for you. It is about carving out the correct strategy to marry with your fleet’s tactics. The questions the game asks you are:

• What is the right amount of bombers, ships and capitals to obtain victory?
• Which tech’s to research first and which to leave to later?
• How do you advance your civilization safely?

That’s all good.

But eventually you will get it. You will crack what it takes to win and refine that idea down to a formula. Once that is achieved the game will lose its shine. This is the same for all RTS’s; they only keep you glued while you are learning.

Long may that be.

Sins is a masterful RTS from a stable of masterful RTS makers and specialists. That perfect formula is a long finish line away and there are three races to master. And even then, once that race is well a truly won, you will still get surprised. I was a master of AOEII, or so I thought. I won something like 50 games in a row and then played Kieran and lost again and again.

There is nothing as refreshing as getting your ass kicked by someone else in a ways that you didn’t even consider. Sins is the next and best of a genre that steps us inventively towards the game found in Iain M Banks’ “Player of Games” novel and as such is a welcome addition to a bloated genre. It throws up some surprises and features a wonderful 3D engine that polishes up the serious depth. Thus it is a brilliant game.

Oh, you can mod the game easily, I cant wait for some of these mods to come out:

Sins scores 8.5/10 (losing only half a mark for the diplomacy-lite options)

Regards,

Basho

So, Saturday rolls around and Cesca and I jump in the car at a god early time in the morning and rush all the way around the M25 to Basildon. It is too early in the morning for me to get up any head of anger and a strange killing calm is evident in the car as we drive. I think Cesca has come just to make sure I don’t shoot anyone, but she is relaxed as she thinks that for me to be really really angry I need to be awake. Hence, she has got us moving before I got a cup of coffee. In actual fact my level is up to the Hulk in one of his planet smashing rampages. Cesca should be worried because I have a secret weapon ready.

Amtrak is in a Trading estate near the motorway and following the traditional British formula of these things, it is best described as a real shit hole of epic proportions. A hive of scum and villainy with rubbish dumped everywhere and evil looking warehouse frontages with pokey little offices. We park up and I practice my look; The Look:

The Look is one of practiced pure malevolence.

It is The Man With No Name pissed off,

“You gonna draw those pistols or whistle Dixy?”

Kaiser Sosa being in a line up,

“Hand me the keys you fucking cock sucker”

Butch being called “paunchy”,

“What did you just say?”

My wife knows it as “my killing look” and gives me a little kiss on the cheek to calm me down. We leave the car and approach the door, where I knock. This is ignored. So I hammer with my first which makes a ungodly noise. The door opens I come face to face with my nemesis; the lady from the phone calls. In real life she is even more repulsive looking than in my imagination, I shudder to think of what her painting in the attic looks like. She is old and fat and mean. She eyes me up and down and jerks a thumb signaling that we should join a line of quivering members of the public all waiting, endlessly waiting, for their packages.

I save The Look for later and sheepishly join. Not a word has actually been said.

This line was an amazing experience. Everything in this office moves at a glacial pace that would have tried the patience of a Buddha and had Gentle Jesus biting his knuckles in frustration. It actually gave me a moments glimpse of the of the afterlife as only Limbo could be more endless and painful. In fact, I think the pope is wrong, people don’t go to Limbo; they simply come here and wait in this office.

Finally, she rolls around to looking for my parcel’s information on the system. After the consultation of her computer she pronounced her favourite catch phrase, “We don’t do night deliveries”.

My wife almost ducked. You see, I have been a martial artist for 14 years; I have 2 national titles and 1 international title. For my black belt I broke three bricks using my hands and feet and spared against two other black belts at once. I am also 6ft 2 and 18 Stone and thus can loom when I want to.

I didn’t react outside of my head. In my head Bruce Lee unleashed the whoop’ass. I saved The Look and merely grunted. After all this is all much the same as usual for me and I hadn’t had any coffee or breakfast.

She continued and explained that since Watford had to authorise any delivery changes and they are ignoring ALL methods of contact, she has loads of deliveries stacked up waiting to go out which can’t. Head office had informed her that she was not to send the package anywhere until such time as a FAX was received from the long lost customer service department of Watford Electronics.

Hell may well freeze first.

It was at this moment that I could have pointed out that she had told me herself that it would be there Thursday without fail, so why did she do this if she KNEW she wasn’t going to send it? OR that perhaps she should have advised me this 15 days ago and I could have come down and got it sooner? Or that she doesn’t answer her phone or FAX or even open the door to anything less than the knock of Cthulhu?

Frankly, I couldn’t be fucked . If I had to spend another moment in the presence of such evil I would be forced to do the honest thing and take her out the back and put two bullets through her lungs.

Deep breath…

I gave her The Look and she shuddered. Moving very slowly I leaned slightly over the desk still looking her straight in the eyes,

“Can I please have my parcel now?” I asked very quietly.

“I..I will just go get it”, she says and hurries off her chair and out of the room.

Clint Eastwood eat your heart out!

“Thank you,” I answered standing back up and my wife hugged my arm.

Ten seconds later…

The door opens and my PC arrives in my presence. The pure shining light of its beauty banishes the dim shadows of the room away like a new star had been born in the night sky.

Without a word I take it home and unpack it. My wonderful wife goes and makes me some coffee.

It works first time and it is beautiful. I relax and all the weeks’ of stress bleeds out of me and away.

I load up F.E.A.R. (the best game of the time. Ed) and auto detect the performance settings…

They ALL come back MAXIMUM!

Xmas is saved! I cancel the order for The Kraken and sit down to play. 17 Days late, but worth it in the end…

Basho

Well I have been busy all week and getting excited about receiving my new PC from Watford Electronics any century now.

As regular readers will know from the previous post on this matter, I am still waiting for my much delayed packages and have been assured that they will turn up Thursday the 15th. The fact that I am writing this on Friday the 16th and I don’t sound happy should give you a clue as to what I am about to relay.

Firstly, this time I was taking no chances. I had agreed Thursday the 15th on the phone with the delivery company, but I was not going to sit by and expect them to actually remember this or anything, so I rang them on Wednesday the 14th to check they were still there, everything was OK and the PC had not inadvertently turned into a hamster or evolved into a sentient life form and made a break for the tree line. My conversation started after two hours on hold and went like this:

“Hello, I am tracking parcel xxxxxxxxxx and am ringing up to double confirm you are going to deliver it tomorrow”.

“Oh, er, right… hold on” Cue impossibly long pause. “Right, yes it’s all ready and you will definitely get it tomorrow”

“Great. Can I just check you have my number?”

“Sure… 0207 xxxxxx”

“No that’s my work number, try 0208 xxxxxx or 07769 xxxxxx”

“Ok, and it is flat X, Queens Rd, Buckhurst Hill”

“No… (sigh) It is flat 3, Number xxx, Queens Road, etc”

“Ah right…”

“Look, I will fax all you could need, just deliver the bloody thing. I have been waiting 3 weeks for this and can wait one more day”.

“Ah bless” (she really said this!) “It will be any time between 9-6”.

Right. I definitely don’t trust them now. So I fax off directions to my house from Google. Directions so clear that an 86 year old blind Korean rice husker could find me and deliver something.

I get up on Thursday morning all excited like Xmas has come early. I plant myself in front of my front door buzzer and I have the wife check the buzzer works and everything is fine. I sit there getting on with some work I need to be ready for Monday.

Midday comes and no sign.

3pm comes and no sign.

At 4pm the phone rings. It is Watford Electronics Customer Service! This was when I realised that I was in the twilight zone. Watford CS has phoned me!? ME!? A customer!? I was so shocked that they had emerged from behind the rock they had been hiding for 15 days that I couldn’t even swear clearly and resorted to speaking Norwegian.

“SNOR BORG A SNIT SNARD!!”

“Sorry?” came the female reply.

“(COUGH) Sorry about that. I can’t believe you are calling me”

“Er now, your delivery was due for the 1st… and today is…”

“The 15th”

“Er… yes. Now Amtrak don’t do night deliveries”

“O’way? Do they not now? Now there’s a thing”. I was so angry I started speaking with an Irish accent. “H’er’way well, what are ye be doin’ about it?” Although at this point I started lapsing into pirate. “Me’harty” I added for good measure.

“So, er shall I refund the money for the delivery and book another?”

“Yes please, and don’t bother. I have spent so much time mucking around with you people I have organised it myself for today”

“Oh, OK. Fine”

“Thanks now bye”. Click… phone down. Point made. Letter to Watchdog formulating in my head.

So I wait…and wait…and wait…At 6pm I go buy a few beers and sit down. It didn’t come.

Friday… I wake with a permanent head ache. I am in a hardwired ass kicking mood. I get into work and after a mere (ha!) 50 minutes on hold I get through to the young lady who booked the delivery for Thursday. You know what she said? I assure you I couldn’t make this shit up…

“We don’t do night deliveries”

“GAHHHHH!” I scream

“Pardon?”

“You. You booked me a DAY delivery for Thursday, remember?”

“Oh er, well we have called head office about it, would you like their number?”

“No, I want my package”

“Monday?”

“I am at work” And then she said… (This is classic)

“I can book you a night delivery, if you want?”

“I tell you what, I am going to come and get it tomorrow. Will it be there?”

“Yes”

“It better be” SLAM! of the phone going down. Deep sigh.

I honestly think I may have died from stress there and then if I had not been paid today and just got my Xmas bonus. So I can take it. Suck it up man! Tomorrow, it is showdown at Amtrak Basildon. 8:30 am they open. I will be there and I will not be denied again…

Watch this space!

Continued HERE

It all started so well; I got promoted to manager at work. Which basically means I have twice the work to do and I don’t have to fetch the coffee and biscuits any more as I have peons to do it for me (For any of my peons reading this, I am of course joking as you know I don’t take biscuits with my coffee).

To celebrate this largess I decided to invest in a new computer. A BRAND new computer. Well, it happens to us all eventually and I knew that I would one day, theoretically, earn enough cash to be able to afford a new one and not just upgrade what I have. That day had finally come. Being a geek at heart I asked a 22 year old what was the best one to buy and was promptly pointed towards the hearty fellows at Watford Electronics under the sinister pseudonym of Saverstore.com

No fool I. I read all the reviews. Perused all the feedback. Even phoned them up and checked the specs and finally decided on the Carrera Octan Ultimate 7800 that had the most heart staggeringly good specifications that I could hardly begin to believe it.

# AMD Athlon 64 X2 4400+
# 2x512MB Dual DDR Memory
# 256MB NVIDIA 7800GT PCIX Graphics
# 250GB ATA Hard Disk
# 16X Dual Layer DVD+/-RW
# 19″ TFT Flat Panel Monitor

Credit card in hand I ordered over the web safe in the knowledge that the man on the phone has assured me that they do a late night delivery to my area so that I don’t have to take time away from my aforementioned high powered job to pick it up. I was also told that a mere 6 days would pass before I would have in my hands the Ultimate PC!

Swipe that card baby!

So, here it all started to go wrong. The point that they had my cash. Firstly, 6 days was a little on the misleading side and it was more like two weeks before I heard anything at all. Finally, after 13 working days I see on the Savastore website order tracking that the PC is taking shape and looking good. Then I get an email that it has been dispatched. Oh joy of joys! Wonder upon wonder! Soon I will be delighting to my new monolithic dream computer!

Will I hell.

I eagerly log on to the delivery companies tracking system to find it is not listed. So I call them and find they don’t have an option on their system for customer service so I choose sales and get through after 2 hours on hold. “Don’t worry”, they say “It is so hot off the press that it hasn’t shown up on our system yet, you will probably get it the day after they said”. Ah, problem. My mother is staring in a play that night and I have top tickets. Bugger, ok ok I reschedule the play (much to my wife’s chagrin) and sit in waiting the door bell and my night delivery.

Nothing.

Perturbed but not angry I call the delivery company. Perhaps they could not find my address, or got lost finding my street, or delivered it to someone else? I mean, I am easy to miss; being the flat between the number after mine and the one preceding. I can see how that would throw them off!

After 2 hours on hold I get through. “We don’t do night deliveries”, the lady says.

“What? But I have paid extra for one!”

“Tough.”, came the reply.

“Will you deliver tomorrow (Saturday)?”

“Only with Watford electronics customer services authorization via fax” she retorts.

Fine thinks I. I will get that authorization quick smart. Being an IT manager, I am used to dealing with suppliers and know all the tricks on the phone. Yes, I would soon hit them with the right combination of indignation and scorn and they would fall over themselves to help me if only to get me off the line. I look up the customer services phone number.

They don’t have one.

They do have an email address! No worries, I once did an email that got Dell so flustered that the head of UK services called personally to apologize and gave my entire department free PDA’s! So I put together a short but effective message, pointing out that I would call Trading Standards, Watchdog, the Small Claims Court, and offer a sacrifice to Satan himself if I didn’t get my PC Saturday.

I get no reply at all. Total ignore. And, of course, it doesn’t arrive.

So on Monday, I roll up my sleeves, gird my loins and sit down for action. I email, Fax and use their online feedback form 3 times each.

They ignore me again and still the PC is somewhere between them and I (Mars probably). I start to have visions of the delivery drivers son getting a very nice early Christmas present.

Wednesday, I decide to go for the throat and Fax them 21 times, email them twice and feedback till the cows come home. We all laugh about it at work, but the jokes on us. They persist in ignoring me still. What has happened at Watford? I wonder. Has it been hit by a nuclear missile, or an asteroid strike? Are they even now in fallout shelters because Gabriel has sounded his trumpet? Had I missed something about Watford the town? Are the poor wretches of the Saverstore.com Customer Services Department even now being herded into the wicker-man?

Who knows?!

Thursday, and by now I am a little stressed to say the least, I hold on the delivery company phone number for another 2 hours (and remember this is their sales department option!) and finally get through to The Voice Of Sanity. This, young, eager sounding guy says “Yes! I can see it right here” and “It must have fallen through the net ”. Ha Ha goes I. He goes on for another ten minutes about how their internal company procedures work (or in this case don’t work), how faxes are needed, how he will handle it all for me and how I should 90% get the package this very night, most sorry sir.

Great! I rush home giddy as a school boy. However, the night ticks around to 9pm and the package is obtuse in its absence. I have a very restless night wondering if I will ever see the package or my £1300.00 again.

The next day (today) I hold for 3 hours at the delivery company sales department and then give up.

But wait! It appears that since the day before they have updated their hold music, it now mentions a FAX number! Resigned to failure I fax them, taking 8 times to get through. I list every possible number, fax and email address they can call me on including my mothers home and work numbers and the numbers of all the pubs I visit. I point out that if they don’t phone me back then they are really trying hard to ignore my plight. 10 minutes (!) later they call me on my mobile. It is the women I spoke to the first time. “We don’t do night deliveries”, the lady says.

“But I was told yesterday…”

“We don’t do night deliveries”, she says again sticking firmly to what she knows.

“Look lady… ”

“We don’t do weekend deliveries either without authorization and Watford are ignoring our faxes”

You and me both!

“Look, can we just agree a delivery time and I will take the time off work?”

“Next Thursday?”

“Done”

So here we are. Lessons learned. If you want something ordered, kill Watford Electronics before you start.

Will it arrive? Will I get rescued from this hall of mirrors? Will Watford stop hiding behind the sofa? Watch this space and see!

This happened to anyone else?

Basho

PART TWO CONTINUES HERE

**CONTAINS SPOILERS!**

**Current version: 2.0 – Added pictures of TOV**

My Quest for the Ghoulbane.

I had been adventuring in the Thundering Steppes for a while and slowly completing the Guardian Armour Quests when I heard of a quest for the mighty Ghoulbane sword. There follows my diary and guide to the quest and what I think of the reward.

This is one of the longest quests I have yet to come across in this game, not least of all because I had not trained myself in mining and this forms a very large part of the quest.

To start, one visits a newbie quest giver in Nettleville called Vida Sweeps. She needs a new broom and offers to reward you with a valuable stone. I had ignored this quest for ages due to the fact that I found it unlikely that the stone was actually valuable. How wrong I was! Many other questers, I’m sure, will have deleted the reward for this quest before continuing and must be kicking themselves now.

Vida sent me to find Tawli Whiskwind in Baubbleshire, collect her broom and bring it back to Vida. The reward is the Dusty Blue Stone. Upon examining the stone I was given the Dusty Blue Stone quest to try and find out what it actually is. I took the stone to a mining expect called Gruffin Goldtooth in Graystone, near the Oakmyst Forest entrance.

He said that he needed time to look into the stone and would I collect some things for him whilst he does so? Sure, I thought, why not? What do you need? He wanted me to go to the Thundering Steppes to collect 40 rock samples from Wind Swept Rocks. A quick shout around the guild found that I needed a 90 lvl skill in mining to collect the samples. Unfortunately my skill was 8. Thats right, 8. The one after 7 and before 9. 12 was right out.

This just made me even more determined. Firstly I upgraded all my bags to large and I cleared out anything I was carrying (spare swords etc). I then rolled up my sleeves (mentally as my armor doesn’t bend very much) and stomped off to Oakmist. For the next 40 minutes I mined, chopped, picked, trapped and fished anything that crossed my path. I wasn’t the only “non newbie” doing this either. It became a mad dash to get to any rocks before the others and I couldn’t help wondering what the newbs ™ were making of myself (resplendent with my AQ armor) hanging around their zones. Finally, I got to level 19. Level 19 is what is required to mine in Antonica. Axe in hand I headed out. Most of Antonica is grey to me. That is everything NOT hanging around rocks rocks are grey. Antonica is also very very big. The best places I found for mining were north of the roads from the Keep of the Needle to the Windstalker village.

This took sometime. Suffice to say it is a chore of epic proportions. I did however get one break. Upon the third hour I checked to see if I had filled my bags and found that I had mined some coral and a lapis lazuli. My finger hovered over the delete button, and I quickly asked their value from the guild. The coral was worth 8 – 12 gold and the Lapis was worth around 2 gold. Amazing. I had just spent one of the most taxing (although not too boring) nights of my life and made more money in that time than the whole last two weeks killing and leveling.

I quickly found that people are all to ready to cheat people in my position and my first attempts to sell the Coral were met with offers of 8 silver and 20 silver respectively (from jewelers too!) . Suffice to say I have a few more names in the old ignore list now than before. I eventually sold the coral to a nice bloke who wanted to make something for his wife. He paid me 7 gold and 60 odd silver. The Lapis went for 2 gold.

With such largess to my name the quest took a slight hiatus as I went power shopping. I bought my Guardian a set of Pristine Carbonite armor, a complete set of Pristine Agate jewelery and the wonderful mace “Starfall” which is from a rare quest in TS. Feeling better about the hours so far spent mining I set my pick about the rocks with renewed vigor in the hope of getting more riches. I couldn’t actually tell you what I mined to get the coral, but I didn’t get another.

After many hours, many many hours, I reached lvl 90 in mining. Off to The Thundering Steppes!

Mining in TS is not safe. If you are going to do this quest I suggest strongly that you attempt it before you start hunting Cenotaur’s. These horses live upon and around all the best sites for Wind Swept Stones that I could find. A night was spent getting the rocks, which are mostly on the left hand side of the map (for me). I noticed something else too. You don’t get credit from EVERY rock you mine. I found (or I may have been in a trance and imagining it) that you needed to mine slowly. As in you need to the let the messages go from your screen before you mine again. But this may just be the hours of hitting things getting to me.

**UPDATE** Another good location for Wind Swept Rocks is down by Tower 4 to Tower 5 and all the undead there

Finally the quest updated to 40 samples and I was on my way back to Greystone. Old man goldtooth explained that he had had no luck in working out what the stone was and suggested I try a mage.

Searching the MageTower in South Qeynos I found, upon entering the red teleporter, the mage Aristide Calais.

He too had a task for me (I must change this DHL hat for something new). Unbelievably he wanted me to go BACK to The Thundering Steppes and deliver some enchanted bars to Olden Highguard (found at the village at 612, -1, -60).

I quickly did this and gated back. Finding the mage for my reward he only said that the stone has no magic in it, it has a blessing. He sent me to a priest for more advice.

Said priest is called Toranim Skyblade and is located outside on the left at the Temple of Life in North Qeynos. He, of course had a task for me to do as well.

I needed to kill undead in the StormHold. I rushed there and slaughtered the yard trash skeletons (taking on 8 at once) and rushed back.

This is the point where the quest either ends (and you get a non sword reward) or continues and becomes the Heritage Quest for Ghoulbane.

The point is when he mentions Ghoulbane you can click “I dont use swords” and he gives you a choice of something else. I, of course, didn’t do this.

After you kill 25/30 skeletons for Toranim Skyblade, you come back and he tells you that it is none other than the stone that was the pommel of the Ghoulbane and gives you a long story about the lore of the Ghoulbane and its last owner who died and so on and the Paladins of the Temple of Light brought his body and the sword back down into the Crypt of the Stormlords. The Crypt of the Stormlords is actually in fact the Crypt of Valor and is past the Atrium close to the archer room.

Now the Crypt of Valor is a locked zone requiring a quest to open. The quest is called “A Key to the Past”. An interesting quest given from the Crushed Librarian in (of all places) the library. I was half way through this quest by the time I got the Ghoulbane quest and so I included here some quick notes from other sources up until the point I continued and some notes about the library.

The quest NPC for the key is the Crushed Librarian in the Library.

The Library is accessed from the room downstairs with the mists in it. In the floor there is a grate which connects you to the library. BE WARNED that the mobs in the library called Writs (flying books – very Harry Potter) are tough as old boots and will kill you if you are sub lvl 30. You can get in without agro, but be careful. On the far side of the wall there is an exit to antonica if you get in trouble.

Note 1 – The big red glowing claymore at the top of the stairs is not the Ghoulbane, its the Bone Bladed Claymore which is a lvl 40 click able quest.

Step 1: Talk to the “A Crushed Librarian” in the Library in Stormhold. The entrance to the Library is in the Feign Zombie room past the Atrium. There is a grate on the floor that you click to enter the Library.

Step 2: Kill Defiled Squires until update. Kill Defiled Knights until
update.

After these steps the Librarian wants you to kill some of the more rare upper level bosses in the zone.

Lord Androus spawns in the chessboard and requires a smallish group to kill. He is spawned along with two priests at one of the 3 locations around the board.

He is fairly infrequent and you need to kill his placeholders (knights and priests) to get him to spawn. He is also killed almost immediately and so I suggest (for you dual boxers) parking your mule in there and keep asking for a group to get him. For the people like me who only play one character you just have to be lucky. I spent the rest of the time killing greens in the hope of getting the Berik Sword of Thunder drop with no success.

Guard Captain Hess spawns in the barracks on the top level (2nd right from the main hall and in the doors to the left) and is even more rare than the Lord.

I strongly suggest getting in with a group camping him as it is unlikely that you will get him on your own. He comes with two friends and I was lucky enough to get him right after a server reset. I soloed him and his buddies at 24 but it was close. His placeholders are two Defiled Zombie Knights at the enclave.

The Zombie Handmaidens are downstairs then left in the Aritum and left again upthe stairs. They spawn fairly frequently, are very hard to solo at 24 and DONT ALLWAYS update your quest.

Finally, upon killing the maidens I returned to the Librarian and was sent to find the key.

Now, he doesn’t tell you where to actually find the key and it is in the last place you would think of looking. Basically, its a the feet of a statue next to Sir Valinayle, who is all the way back to the entrance. I grabbed the key and had the access.

It should have been plain sailing from here…. It wasn’t. Listen ladies and gentlemen to my tale of woe told in bullet points.

1.You need 3 people with the key to get into the zone. (crap!)
2.You need the Scion of Darkness, that can kill you before you can blink, to not be up and kill your team members over and over. It blocks the Atrium and is a real bastard. (smeg!!)
3.You need to all be next to the zone in to click it. (Bollocks!!!)

**YOU NEED TO NOT CLICK ON ANYTHING WHEN YOU ZONE IN UNTIL YOU GET THE SWORD**

Yes, in my excitement I forgot to tell this to my group. Before I could find the sword someone clicked on a grave inside the Tomb and a HOARDE of yellow^ zombies spawned and spanked me back to the dark ages. Not so bad? Well, TOV is on a timer… an 8 hour timer…. Basically I had to wait for the next day before I could attempt the mind taxingly difficult task of clicking on a sword again.

I was a we’ bit frustrated at this point in the proceedings.

The next night also had problems. Upon logging back in, I found a duo of fantastic guild members willing to come to TOV with me. I was going to loot the sword but we were going to also finish the quest for that zone. It quickly became apparent that we would need more members if we were to be successful, not least of all a healer. Or two.

In SH there is always (at least on our server) one or two people looking to get into TOV. We quickly picked up a fourth team member who said he wanted to do TOV in full, when suddenly one of my guildies went LD. Waiting for him to come back and for a healer. Or two. Our new found friend became impatient.

“Logging in to get my Ghoulbane…”, he said.
“What the hell? wait!”, I replied. Too late. In this guys urgency to get the Ghoulbane he zoned in. It was clear that he had no intention of staying for the whole of TOV and it was even clearer that he wasn’t going to roll on looting the Ghoulbane.

**REMEMBER only one person can loot the sword PER INSTANCE**

**Once one member double clicks the zone – YOU ALL ZONE IN**

I was slightly pissed off. Luckily, the week before I had doubled my RAM in my system. This means I now zone FAST. More than this I know exactly where the Ghoulbane is in the zone.

Location: It is on the left hand wall about half way down under a torch.

I zoned in and ran for the sword, with him right behind me. Clicking as fast as I could, I pulled the sword from the wall. Success!

The gentlemen was none too happy and I got one or two tells of rage. The poor member of my guild that had been dragged in with us and the other member stuck outside were also none to happy with him. Since we were now unable to continue (the TOV mobs are all very hard) we decided in Groupsay to Call of Qeynos the hell out of there. As I casted, the asswipe opened a grave and started the mob spawns. Then to my shock, the guild friend remembered that they had used CoQ recently and couldnt cast again for half an hour. As I ported out I felt awful. I had dragged a friend down there and they had been screwed by this guy. Twice. Then I had got away and they hadn’t and had be given only debt.

The two morals here are this:

1.Be careful who you group with in such circumstances.
2.When you need to beat a wanker to a reward, run and don’t stop to take screenshots.

Hense, I have no screenshots of the inside of TOV. Just remember that if you don’t tough anything but the sword you are totally safe from the ghosts. When I go back here tonight I will post some.

**Update** Here are the missing screen shots. My guild attacked this zone last night. Its tough but worth it.

The Ghoulbane itself! Right click and pick it up.

This is the zone from the entrance:

This is the mobs:

Afterward either gate out or leave via the grate in the wall.

Anyway, I came back to North Qeynos and Toranim Skyblade…

…and he combined the stone and the sword to give me Ghoulbane. Or at least

WEAKENED GHOULBANE!

Not that I can use it yet mind. Sigh.

Was this quest worth it. Hell yes! The sword has very nice stats indeed and a low speed. I earned a ton of cash and got to kill some nice mobs. I also learned by way around SH and TS completely.

My path is now set. I need to finish the Armor Quests (I’m on 6), get to skill level 160 and then go for the next parts of the quest: The charging of Ghoulbane!

Watch this space.

Yours always,

Yagyu the Guardian.

/basho

OTHER EQ2 ENTRIES:
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