Everything I learned about girls I got from anime and manga.
***
All girls have extremely violent tendancies. This will vary from girl to girl, but chances are you will end up with a mild concussion or two before you ever make first base.
If a girl says “nothing’s wrong”, you most likely just did something horrible to her. Stop her NOW and appologize, or it WILL be construed that you did it intentionally.
The more the girl says she dislikes you, the more she is falling in love with you. That slap to the face is just her little way of telling you she thinks you’re cute.
If there are ANY other girls in your life, they will eventually fall for you. The more you and your main girl are with it, the more these others will try to interfere.
Girls are pack animals. If you find yourself involved with one girl, many more will soon inject themselves into your life. This is also known as the “Harem Rule”. The general ratio is 1 guy for every 5 girls.
You will never get a perfect “alone moment”. Mood just right? About to share a first kiss? Well get ready to be interrupted at the worst possible moment.
The more bubbly a girl seems, the more tradgic a past she has. That bright and cheery redhead probably had her last boyfriend die in her arms.
Any promises you made at a young age with a girl will be fufilled. Forget that there are over 6 billion people in the world, you WILL find that single one you made a promise with years ago. And of course, you will end up falling madly in love.
Any past relationships your girl had will come back to haunt you. That boyfriend that died in her arms? Turns out he’s still alive, and wants her back.
Girls are allowed to change their minds, you are not. When an old flame comes back into her life, she will waffle between you and him for what seems like forever. However, you so much as look at another girl below the neckline, and you’re in the doghouse.
Girls are “awkward accident magnets”. You will accidentally walk in while she’s changing, bathing, etc… over and over and over. You will, of course, be physically punished for these accidents.
Girls have no short-term memory. No matter how badly you tick off or embarrass her, she will immediately forgive you after she’s cooled down a bit. The event will most likely never be brought up again, even if the event reoccurs.
All girls have super-model figures. There are no fat girls, ever. There aren’t even any ugly girls. The ones described as “nerdy” will still put the S.I. Swimsuit Issue to shame.
Girls’ chests are made of gravity-defying materials. Modern science has yet to explain how girls can have melons bigger than their heads, and still walk upright.
There is no such thing as dressing modestly. Since all girls look so good, they dress to flaunt this beauty. Skimpy bathing suits are a must.
All girls have slightly lesbian tendancies. Feeling eachother up in the bath is somehow considered “bonding”. There is no embarrassment in seeing eachother naked at all. Commenting on one another’s chest size is perfectly normal.
The expression “KYAAAAA!!!” is built into girls’ genetics. They all will scream this when embarrassed or suprised.
Dorks rule, pretty boys drool. Unless you’re a pretty boy and gay, aka Yaoi-boy. The rate at which girls will be attracted to you is ranked Yaoi > Dork > Normal > PrettyBoy. It also helps to be completely broke, clueless, clumsy, and pathetic.
Yaoi trumps all. Despite the fact that they have NO interest in girls, Yaoi-boys will instantly melt any and all girls’ hearts. They are like the unattainable trophy-kill of the savanah-of-girlhood.
Your skeletons are good. Having a dark/tragic past will envoke sympathy from all the females around you. They will look at your bitter/negative attitude and feel sorry for you instead of being turned-off.
Girls are X-Treme! There is no such thing as a normal girl. All girls are varying degrees of different archtypes. Having interest in martial arts is not enough, she will be a master by age 16. That little 13 year old would put the Iron Chefs to shame with her cooking.
You cannot do anything right. Everthing you try in order to be seen as sweet or caring, will somehow go awry and be construed as you being a jerk, perv, or otherwise. The only time you’ll ever be seen as a nice guy is when you do something completely normal.
You are invincible. No matter how many blows to the head, impailings, falls from the 4th floor, etc, you will not die. Girls on the other hand, can stub their toe on the dresser and be unable to walk for a week.
Girls have mastered the art of mind-control. If they REALLY want something, you have no choice but to do it. Be warned not to resist, or else face the “Sobbing Girl” effect which can break any male. Be particularly carefull of this during winter, as a “Sad Girl in the Snow” can easily melt your brain.
All rules that apply to girls, apply with a multiplier to catgirls. Please be aware of this, as what would be a normal punch from a girl, could be a claw to the eye from a catgirl.
Catgirls come in two varieties. You have honest-to-god felines, and you have cosplay catgirls. Felines tend to be prone to severe mood swings and violent outbursts. At the same time, they tend to be much sexier than normal girls. However, normal girls cosplaying as cats achieve a state of cuteness comparable to zen.
Be wary of cosplay cuteness. First, be warned that although they still can be sexy at the same time, do NOT make any comments or allude to them being sexy. Failing to acknowlege their supreme cuteness will result in a hospital trip. Second, be warned that combining cosplay cuteness and the “Sobbing Girl” or “Sad Girl in the Snow” effects is extremely dangerous to anyone within a 100-yard radius.
Harem Rule. All men, by default, are detestible. Or at the very least, uninteresting. Men then spend, apparently, great amounts of time trying to convince at least one girl that he’s not like this. If he should succeed, his negative status is removed, and he is given a new title of “chick magnet”. All girls have a 6th sense that can detect the status of men, and are naturally attracted (in a magnet sense) to the few men who’ve attained this rank. Thus, once a man reaches this point, any and all girls nearby are drawn to him, resulting in his own privet harem of girls. The final stage is after the guy and his main girl finally commit to each other (officailly dating, marriage), and he recieves his final title of “taken”. This has a similar effect as his previous title, but in more of a platonic way. That is to say, the girls don’t up and leave the moment the guy is taken, but no longer try to jump his bones at every given chance.
Basho & Cesca are traveling with:
Related Posts |
Digg it!
|
Share THIS |
